People waiting for me to leave a closet that I never was in or Tell me why are you not Fucking...

*The following is a satirical view of things that have been said to me, a collection if you will. Names and identities have been removed to protect the identities of individuals as well-meaning as some are, really have to fucking business in what they are asking. Enjoy and if you see yourself here.....yea.....can you stop that shit. Just an idea*


Hmmm.....how to start this one. This one is going to be fun, but I realize you only have one introduction and as many ways as I can start this I can not help to think I have to choose one.

So here we go.

*coughs*

People are really interested in me fucking. They really want to know who I am fucking. I mean, they want to know details. They want to meet people who I have fucked. They want to know outside of graphic details for some, or at least I think they don't want to pry that much, on who I'm fucking. I mean, people fuck and they fuck at a suitable frequency that they want to know you are fucking. I mean, if I was fucking TOO MUCH or what I like to call My Twenties,  then that would be too much fucking. I mean, seriously....why so much fucking. Can you just hit the showers? Can you not fuck too much. I mean, if you are fucking too much then there is an issue, no. Too much fucking is bad as not fucking at all and there should be a reasonable frequency of fucking that will keep you under the radar and just no the talk of the moment.

So no, I'm not fucking at the moment. In fact, this will be my tenth year not fucking. I KNOW! How time flies while not fucking at the moment. I have been celibate, a fancy term for not fucking, for a decade now. And I know its confusing others that I'm not fucking and they must understand why I am not fucking.

Is it because no one will fuck you. No, I have had, have, will have plenty of offers.

Is it because you did something REALLY KINKY that prevents people from wanting to fuck you. No, contrary to popular belief, Im really vanilla, but I do like to please others. A lot, so usually with plenty of consent given and a long talk, Im usually, key word here, willing to give into the desires and needs of others.

Is it because those slutty womens will not fuck you and they embargoed you getting fucked so now you am the mads and have to teach these feminist womans to fuck you or they will all pay! See how stupid it sounds and no, not even close.

Is it because you are secretly hiding an affair or fucking on the sly and don't want people to know cause SCANDAL! No, and you should watch less tv. I've had moments where someone did offer and are in a relationship and I said no. Even a few in open relationships and I still said no. It has alot to do with my....

Is it because you are part of a secret fuck society....NO and stop. Jesus, I mean seriously, stop watching tv!

Then what can it be? Why are you not the fucking. Unless......OH!

I will support you. I believe in your gender choice and or life partner gay thing. Huh...

You know its ok to be the faggo....um...gay, right. Its ok and I will support you. Wait where are you going with this.

I know some cute guys who will fuck you. You like twinks. Bears. Daddies, like you. What do you like? As long as we know you like dick we can get you plenty of dick. No. No, thank you.

But I mean, if you are not fucking women, you must like men...or men who are the womens...or women who are men who are women or that thing I saw on FOX that......STOP! Seriously, stop and listen to me. I want you to listen to me once a fucking again to why Im not fucking!

Then you are gay. No.

But you support the LGBT and many more. Yes.

But you are not the gays. Come on, you really care about the gays too much. I also care about the homeless, runaway teens, the environment, bees, and just not being a piece of shit to others, but it doesn't mean I am any one of those in the community. I have gay friends. Trans friends. Asexual friends. I have Bi friends I care about many people, but I don't have to be one of them to care about them.

And you want to fuck them..No, are you not listening to me.

AH, you are an ashamed homo! No.

YOU ARE! *sighs* No. My first kiss was with a boy. I was 6. I didn't think too much of it. My first kiss with a girl was when I was 15ish. That was awesome to me and I knew I wanted more of that. I knew at an early age I was straight, but it didn't matter to me cause I was busy being a kid and figured if it did come up then I'll be ok with it and such. In fact, you can say I was a late bloomer.

So...wait...Im confused. Are you not gay. Never was, am, and as far as I can tell, not going to be.

So.....wait...never ...... do you find others attractive... No, I found men attractive as much as I found Transwomen attractive. Attraction is natural, but it doesn't mean desire. Im sexually attracted to a certain type of woman and oddly enough my taste have branched through the years, but that doesn't stop me from noticing a man is attractive as much as a woman is. I can pass by and look at something I would not eat at a buffet, but have no desire to eat it. It can be nicely prepared and even a thing of beauty, but it doesn't mean I want it on my plate or want it taken away from me and others because I might want it alot. I like what I like and what I don't I don't. Doesn't stop me from saying what is attractive or not.

Wait...Im confused...did you just say you are gay. Im not gay. Just going to have to believe me. And if I was Id still be celibate because my celibacy has nothing to do with what I find sexually attractive.

Ok, then why are you not fucking, Why...

And it took how fucking long to get here.....shit, man.

In truth, a decade ago my social life was....chaotic. It was abusive and unhealthy. It was really bad and I knew I need to do something about it. The easiest thing was to stop having sex and to remove it from the equation. It did make my life easier and I realize I had a problem. I assumed all relationships were as bad as mine were. In fact, I realized through some of you that your relationships were healthy and I knew mine were not and was not normal. So I stopped. I had a long series of abusive relationships and I didn't want to be abused or even become abusive. I didn't have boundaries and it caused me hell.

In the past decade, I have worked through a lot and even Crazy Doc understand why I am celibate and if there is anyone who wants me to start fucking, it would be her, but oddly enough for the right reason. In fact, she's not fixated on me not fucking. Shes fixated on my lack of trust with others and that I can not place myself in a vulnerable position with anyone even if I was in dire need of help. I don't see myself as a person. I don't see myself as a valued person. I don't see myself with needs as a person and if I do not work through that I will only return to the harmful effects that caused me to be celibate.

I fear any form of intimacy because intimacy was used against me.  I can not repeat this enough. I'll even make it simple my love was used against me to hurt me and others around me and Im unweary in doing that ever again. Because someone caused that cycle I have been used by others. I have been mistreated and even led to believe that this is what love is. It's something nice with a side of abuse and emotional scarring.

That's why I went celibate. I didn't want to continue that cycle and I wanted some control over my life and the easiest thing to do was to shut myself down as a sexual being and just eliminate that out of my life in order to get things on tracks. Its why my therapy is now poking this bear. I've worked and healed so much that now I have to face why I am celibate and attempt to believe that there are women, yes I am attracted to women, who are not abusive or manipulative. That I CAN have what you all have, a healthy relationship void of abuse.

So....can you understand why Im not fucking...

......Id fuck you....you know, if I didn't think you were gay. Unless if its a threesome, then I think I can get down with that....that would be hot...

*raises hands in the air and walks away*