Ballad of the Stubborn

I have never been the brightest child.

I have been the stubborn one.

For an early age I've always hated being told that I can't do something. I was the three year old on the slide and jungle gym. I was the 6 year old asking to borrow the big kid's 10 speed. The 10 year old kicking the crap out the kid who picked on me even though I went home with the bigger bruises, he went home crying. I was the 16 year old who started a family. The divorced 21 year old who worked 40 hours, went to school, looked after my children's needs and still dated on the sly. I was the 25 year old told that my training was wasted on me and that I was too old to fight again.

If I look at the all the things I've done, I'm the first person to tell you that I done most of it by trail and error. When I tell you to not do anything I haven't done twice it's not to be witty, but a confession on the errors I've committed. If I was smarter I would have figured things sooner and have saved myself a lot of time, effort, and scars. And yet my path have been laid with the doubt of others and the predictions of my failure of those close and removed from me.

Fuck those guys.

When I was diagnosed with TB at 120 lbs and told that I would never recover, I ran, lifted, detoxed until I gained healthy weight back in 5 years and grew an inch in height. When I realized that I was afraid of heights and have to fight back the urge to fling myself over the edge, I decided to go on trip that forced me to deal with my fear until I can face it and overcome it even though I'm still terrified. When I was told that I was too old to go back to school, I told everyone to fuck off and pull myself through. When I was told that math was always going to be my weakest subject I started to study to the point I tutored others and learned to deal with different learning abilities in people to the point that even the most fearful mathophobe can make math their bitch. When I tore my shoulder training for judo tourney I healed and focused on training others. When I applied trained to be a life guard I was a weak swimmer and not one liked how I swam, I learned to not only to improve my swimming but swam my test with crapped legs and the highest score. When the vein in my leg burst I was told to remain still and just heal. It took me three years to get my leg back and I'm running as well as I ran in high school. When I dislocated my shoulder I was told that no one can help me get it in, so I put it in myself since I was not going to ride the pain. When told that I was too old to fight at 25 since my body will not recover. Now I spar with 20 year old and realize that my martial arts training alone is older than them.

And now, I've dislocated my shoulder in January. And I've come to reflect that all those years of hard training that has not only increased my knuckle's size and hardness, but has allowed me to hit harder and to drop others with a minimum effort has been compromised due to this injury. Perhaps my shoulder will improve. Maybe with surgery I can recover some of my dexterity and strength. Maybe with enough rehab I can increase my present hitting power of 40% to 70 or maybe even 80% of what it once was. And yet, it only takes one person to tell me those words that I've come to associate with hard work and effort.

"You can't do that."

Fuck that.

Even if I can't get my right shoulder back and hit hard at my capacity, I'm going to get back what I can and then some. Even then I'm already training my left hand, relying on Wolfe's theory and using my collection of stones to break and remodel my fist. I'm working at muscle memory and breaking down every motion and position of my punch until I can duplicate it on my left. I will hit harder, faster, and greater than I have before. I will not only duplicate my power in my left hand, but I will multiply it in others, sharing my experience so that I'm not the only on able to drop people and break open anything.

Why?

I honestly do not know. I just know that if you tell me that I can't, even in principle, I will. That simple. I will change my reality or die trying. And if family history can tell  me anything, I'm not going to go easy.

I'm enjoying shutting people up.

That and I somehow I find solace in seeing me face my death swinging and screaming, "I die cool."

The Walking Stupid

I've been kicking around a thought on why things go to hell if we lose about 40% of the population. If we lost this amount of people which is roughly the close to the death rate of the Spanish Flu in the early 1900's and less that the death toil of the black plague, this would be enough to cripple society and to bring it to a semi halt. This is the emergency situation that most emergency responders call the zombie factor. Not that the undead will rise up, but a deadly factor that will act as a pandemic that will take the lives of the majority of people without any chance to respond with a cure or simple solution such as an Ebola outbreak or a dirty bomb. A situation that the best outcome is preventing the continual loss of lives by taking drastic measures.

If this situation were to come to pass and we were left with 60% of the population within this nation alone how would we live our lives? Most people find the solution in dumbing down society, as in prepping for the end of the world which include survival planning, saving stores of food and emergency supplies and even weapon use since we are assuming the worst of humanity. A willingness to return to the savageness of an unevolved mind. I know these movies and tv shows are entertaining, yet I have to wonder why doesn't someone simply turn on the power? Why don't we turn on the water? Why don't we continue with society once more?

And yet, the solution is something that tax us today. How many people actually have a decent education? How many people are trained to not only not eat their own poop or even to wash their hands when leaving the restroom, but general micro that most nurses must know to be accepted in a nursing program. Why isn't there an understanding of physics, math, chemistry and other hard sciences? I'm in no way ignoring the other benefits of a well rounded education such as art, literature and music, but society is built on these hard sciences and culture built on the foundation of society. And yet, there is an elitism to education. There are only individuals trained to do one job and that is it and while that job is handled then everything is ok. While it is not we are screwed. If this assumed pandemic takes place, how soon can we regain society? How soon will Switzerland, England, and other nations with higher rate of education will return to society? What of those nations with funded universities and free healthcare? Will they recover just as fast or quicker? Are their pool of educated civilians able to be trained and replace those missing pieces of society or will they falter due to their requirements in education? Will they be taught how to move levers and make a machine work or will they understand the general ideals and principals to teach others?

So my question is this? Why must we dumb down society after a great catastrophic event instead of smarting it up? How prepared are our general population to return to our way of life once we lost our "brightest"? Are we prepared now? Why are we spending so many billions of dollars on a threat from the world when the greatest threat is our own ignorance? Who have to benefit when only a few individuals can return society to a first world economy instead of a third world?

I'm still grokking this. It keeps me up at night.