Shower Epiphany: Faith

So that whole one eyed girl being made fun of because it's ungodly story is a hoax. And I laughed. I know I was asked a while ago why I don't have any faith to which I responded by saying I do have faith. I have faith in people.

I believe in people automatically and believe they have no ulterior motive in deception or benefit in manipulating me. I will believe that people are overall good even though there are some individuals that ruin things for others just as there are groups of people who do the say, regardless if they have the best intentions or not. I have faith that people simply want to do what is right and I have faith in us in a species even though we have our odd prejudices and quirks that we can not shake nor in some cases would want to.

I have faith that once I gather all the inner resolution to speak to another human being that I will make a kind connection. If I am stood up, I believe I may have errored then to place blame with someone else. I think that if I harmed another human being that I can bed for forgiveness and ask to make amends because I to fall asleep knowing I harmed no one. I believe that there are great people who I adore and love and that I might have some hang ups that make things worse off and I am willing to work on them in order to make me a bit kinder. I believe that everyone has a story to be heard, knowledge that I do not have, and value in their smile. I have faith that we will all do better even though sometimes I'm sadden by acts of stupidity and callousness.

I have faith in all of this because I need faith in us. I can not and could not live on my own. I am not an island and I could not survive with out people, even if I tried my best to do so. I need to believe this since I have no proof in all of this until I have overcome my antisocial means and made a timid step towards humanity, even if it's to ask for the salt. I have to have faith that, yes I did run into some people that are made of suck and yes I've been mistreated by a good amount of them, but that is not everyone. That  I can not worry if I am being lied to. That they might just feel the same as I do. That if I try my best and reach out I will not be shut out or ridiculed. That others actually want to hear from me, want something to do with me, and that I actually have something of value to them that they will not try to fuck over in the end.

I have faith in other people and that scares me because I wish I had knowledge in them rather than faith. That every person is different like chocolate in the box and I have to see if we connect on that basic level that fightens me so at time I have to simply try them and see. Some people will not see my heart filled and fragile attempt. Some will just ignore my rare act of connection. Some might treat me rougher than others. Some might see me the same as spider does to fly, but I have to at least try even if I know what is going to happen. So I can not have more than faith in people until I make an attempt to find out. I think this scares me the most. Almost makes me with never to know and to simply think they're cooler and kinder than they really are and stay away.

I have to have faith that I can do all this and I can have faith in my attempt to be "people" even though I know I have so much trouble with it. I can only have faith.

So....yea. My bad on that bogus story. The things we learn, huh?

I also have to have faith that it's ok to be wrong.

So......yea.