Life in Hell: Are you too stupid to listen?

Because every time I feel like I'm making progress as a human being, I need another weight around my neck. Since you all love to laugh at my misery, here's another does of My Life in Hell:

*Approaching Old  Man as he makes his breakfast*

Me: Well, the battery is dead and all. I think I it might be the Alternator.
Old Man: Are you sure?
Me: Yea.....I disconnected it from the jump and it kept going for a while, but it would not restart. Hey, on top of your head can you remember if I ever changed the alternator or if we even changed the battery?
OM: *clears his throat for his long instructional speech on everything I know* See, what you have to do is to check the glove compartment for the receipt. Once you find the receipt you can tell if the battery is under warranty, which is three years.....
Me: Oh, so you remember getting a new battery?
OM: Ok, I'm going to tell you again. You first have to go through the glove compartment to find the receipt. One you have he receipt you can see if the battery is under warranty. If it's not under warranty then you have to get a new one. If it is under warranty then you know the alternator is off and you need a new one....
Me....ok, but I'm not worried about....
OM: Are you stupid or do you work hard at not listening? I'm telling you that you first have to go through the glove compartment to find the receipt. One you have he receipt you can see if the battery is under warranty. If it's not under warranty then you have to get a new one. If it is under warranty then you know the alternator is off and you need a new one. If it's under warranty then you need a new battery. If you can not find the receipt then you know that you either lost it or you never got one. Can you follow that or do I need to waste my time talking to you again?
Me:.......you sound like Graucho.
OM: What?
Me: I said you sound like Graucho right when his dementia took over and people had no idea until he gave interviews on how airplanes work and why they are called airplanes.
OM: You know, you really are getting on my nerve.
Me: *in aged Grouch voice* An airplane is a plane that flies through the air. People would would go down to the airport which is where the airplane are to buy a ticket to ride an airplane which flew in the air, that's why they call it an airplane.
OM: You are pissing me off.
Me: *full explosion of sarcasm* Really? Am I really? Oh good. I can check that shit off my list this morning right next to being talked to like an idiot. I asked one simple question and told that I was too stupid to listen or to understand as you rambled on how to determine if I need a new alternator if I can find some sort of phantom receipt that may or may no be there. You know I've been changing the parts on the cars since 05'. All I asked if you can remember if we DID change it. Not what would happen if we did or why batteries die. I just wanted to ask you if you KNEW IF.....IF......if it was changed, because I have no idea and now I have no idea if my cognitant faculties even work any more! But I'm sorry, I seem to have stupid up your day asking a simple yes/no question!
OM: *Giving me that hard look that I never give to you good people because it would crush your soul and make you cry* You know what. Let's stop talking. You're pissing me off.
Me: Oh! That must mean that I'm right in this situation.
OM: *walking off* Fuck Off! You are such an asshole.
Me: Really? I have NO IDEA where I could have learn those skills. I'm just going to go stupid my way through looking receipts now because if it exists then I know I done it!
*slams door*
Me: *to my self*  ....shit like this. *yes, I do say this alot.*

Moral: I think I can see where I get my stubborn ability to not admit that I do not know something. Funny, I've been working on this for years and I've never lost inches or became anyone's bitch or ruined the world. Odd. Then again, I'm too stupid to listen. *bows*