Another Monday morning in LA where you know that the clouds above will yield to another brilliant and sunny day. I was supposed to rain last week in which weak sprinkles here and there was great enough to ensure that I get the patio part of the building I work in, to myself out of fear of being wet. Not much of an issue for me, especially when I carry a dingy, yet clean towel to wipe up any rain drops from the black metal tables while others look almost amazed at my ability to use towel skills while other can not connect the dots of how I am able to sit in wet places.
Don't laugh too much, I've gone to tables soaked where someone was sitting at.
The sun is already bursting through, shining it's happy warmth on my face as I semi squint while writing this. People are arriving to work at their own pace as I continue to practice a craft that I am still not confident at as I tap away on the chrome book. There is a bit of SunTzu in my actions being here early, but also that traffic can be a nightmare and I do not do well to be on edge on the way to work. I'd rather have at least an hour minimum to buffer any delays to work such as this morning. The 105 was blocked and snail-paced while meeting the 405 and with a bit of maneuvering I'm able to get to where I need with only a minute of time lost.
With my bagel consumed and Chai warming my stomach, I stretch to find some topic of conversation that is my monolog. Somehow I always get great fiction ideas when falling asleep for a work day, but in my waking hours, I usually lean towards writing about what is and was. I still ponder if it means that I'm simply better at writing what comes to mind or if I can't hack fiction in any way. Not too worried, but something that does sit in the backseat of my mind as I contemplate my writing worth.
I made it practice with writing on work mornings while sitting out minorly watching people walk to the building and to Starbucks. It's a great distraction while exercising my introverted means of being social-ish. I mean I am here in the morning and I am outside and I am watching people walk about, but I have headphones on and simply tapping away. I usually look for interesting moments, like that goth couple looking as if they left the matrix. Awesome outfits and bravado pouring out of them and worth the watch. I always wondered if I could just get up and walk with asking to go with them considering it looks a lot more interesting than sorting through paperwork and records requests.
Other times, I look to satisfy my 15% and 85% and in rare moments 100%. 15% moments are usually enjoyed with those who live too damn far from me and with a drink in hand as we engage, indulge and maul of fashion choices chosen by most women. Never cruel or used to hurt, a select few usually sit and marvel why such a magnificent outfit with glorious accessories was worked on when they decided to give up with the plainest choice of flats. Other times we laugh at the patterns of either ughs, leggings, and summer dresses that the majority of those who simply decide to resemble each other. Very few times we are marveled by a choice in shoes or accessories where we raise out voices and praise them.
I rarely get those moments, but I do look in case it's seen so that I can share with friends too far away.
85% moments are also rare, but they're picking up. I don't usually hav3e moments where I gawk at women. It's stupid in some ways, as I can painfully remember those who even make a miniature mating ritual, read acting like a douche, to let said woman watch that she is and that she is going to be objectified with height chances of her anatomy spoken in ways most would describe produce. I've never seen a woman respond to said attention with, "why thank you, my succulent titties are suckable and I am quite complimented in the fact you'd like to release your DNA all upon them as I lick them up calling you daddy. " I know, a little too rough there, but I'm actually being gentle.
But I am in some sort of new puberty swing and I do look and force myself to look away if only to remove myself from any pool who'd look as stupid as mentioned before. Women are more akin to flowers to me at the moment. Beautiful to look upon and even a treat to smell if their fragrance is strong enough to catch my attention, but best left alone at the moment. I'm not ok yet and I'd rather not complicate my attempts of getting better as of yet with having to focus on someone else.
100% moments are awesome. It causes my mind to shut down and simply take in the moment. Having my mind attempt to communicate and create thought while one side is in awe with how stunning the woman is while the other wants to scream out how great her outfit is.
Like now........damn!
Woman in silver heels the color of her dyed hair in black leggings and a short cardigan hugging a figure that either was blessed by the gods or created from days worth of hours of work until persona and figure meld into art.
Damn, I have to share that one with a friend.
Not much to write really. I'm mentally ok at least until Tuesday afternoon and I'm not really chewing on anything in particular that I want to share, yet I do have to practice, no?
Peace and love.
1, 000 words at 35 minutes.
Showing posts with label Just being silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just being silly. Show all posts
Monday, March 27, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Things that I will never understand, but it's most likely that I am not human and have the social empathy of a potato.
1. People who want to own a piece of another person's clothing
I'm going to be blunt. I've slept with a good amount of women. I've shacked up with a smaller percentage of them. I've done laundry and I even broke up with......all of them and I have to say that I have never been drawn to their clothing. I have lost a great amount of clothing to women and if I ever get something of theirs I usually give it back or it gets tossed into the bonfire. As close to any of this, I enjoy waking up next to someone who I've been in a relationship and cuddling close and smelling them. I enjoy their smell. I've even enjoyed how each of them taste. Yet keeping something of theirs and smelling it, even when we are done? NOPE!
Even less when online models offer you certain pieces of clothing for a price. So....yea.....nope. You'll never find any "mementos". It also relieves me of any embarrassing moments if someone discovers a purple rhinestone bustier.
2. Love songs, especially R&B, sound either desperate and needy in a stalker sort of way or self-degrading.
I know the chemistry of love. It's the worst drug to be on and the hardest to be clean when it takes so much time to finally feel yourself once more and you realize that relationship was a train wreck to begin with but you ignored it because body parts, infatuation, or you have been "pinning', read stalking, the other person so long that your shrine is taking one a bit of a serial killer feel to it. Sorry, I have felt affection and caring towards someone else, but they have never been my oxygen or my one and only because I had many ones and onlys. If anything I realize I stepping into love in the same manner that one steps in pet fecal matter, you always wonder why you were not paying attention more. Love songs never help afterward unless you're trying to find the most easiest way to end your life.
Once again, I do not claim to be human in any way.
3. Children being perfect because they're my little blah blah blah
No. Stop it. This is why we have sociopaths and monsters. You are not raising a dolly or a small child or a [insert your own sickening mind rotting baby talk, because you either do it, you fucking, monster or you have heard it, alcohol helps]. You are going to raise a human being who has to carry on your family name and have to deal with other people. I say this because I attract the human version of garbage and when they get too close, usually stabbing distance.....not even fucking joking....I have the scars to prove it, I always wonder if they had parents. Yes, yes they did and they were shit not because they put out their cigarettes on them or used them for bowling balls, but because inserting them a concept of how perfect and amazing and incredible and individual and what other bullshit you tell them you also have to remind them that they are one fucking person among billions and to have some human empathy because if they had some then they would know not to be human garbage and maybe I would not be in therapy!
Seriously, fuck you. Raise your future human right or I'll start calling you out now. I won't name names because that will tip you off and give you a head start.
4. Saying hello is not flirting
I am a whore. I am a complete whore, tease, and I play hard to get. I have been seeing multiple people for the 30 years. I make people feel good about themselves and yet I have never at least offered to finger/handjob them because I am a whore. Do not believe me that I have only been polite enough to you to prevent you from realizing that I am just a trauma away from being emotionally dead. Never believe me that when I say, "lets get dinner" that I am not banking fuck points because why the fuck would I ever spend time with you unless it's to bend you over and fuck you hard or to tease the fuck out of you like the shitty whore I am, remember I started out saying it. I'm actually just teasing the fuck out of you and fucking everyone else. I mean, you seen me say "hello" to others. I'm fucking them. A lot. A good amount of fucking. And then we laugh at you and how I am teasing you and not fucking you. We laugh and we fuck some more until you realize you have to break up with me because going for three meals after work is way too much of a commitment and always lead to fucking, but I'm not fucking you, remember? So why invest in other people unless you are going to bend them over and fuck em so good......so good.....
There I said it. Now your hunches are confirmed. Leave me alone now. I just wanted to say good morning to let you know I need the nondairy creamer and you're in the way.
5. IPA's are the new shitty beers because we can't have something nice unless we saturate life with it and Coors decide to make their own.
I get it. It's bitter and has a bite. Nice.
And yet it's fucking everywhere. Like Coors. It's to the point now you're flavoring it. Like Coors. And making interesting bottles. Like Coors. And if offered everywhere and all the time so that there are nothing else besides IPA's......and Coors.
"Can I have something pleasingly red and warm with a hint of bite?"
"No.....we don't have that, but we have 105 different IPA's......and Coors".
"Oh....can I have something dark, bitter, and thick with a thick foam?"
"Um......we don't have that, but they make a coffee IPA!"
*waiting for it*
"It's made by Coors!"
"Can I have a nice Hefeweizen with a slice of lemon, please?"
"Um.....ah......I don't think we have that IPA."
Stop it. Stop it before you ruin it all......like Coors.
I'm going to be blunt. I've slept with a good amount of women. I've shacked up with a smaller percentage of them. I've done laundry and I even broke up with......all of them and I have to say that I have never been drawn to their clothing. I have lost a great amount of clothing to women and if I ever get something of theirs I usually give it back or it gets tossed into the bonfire. As close to any of this, I enjoy waking up next to someone who I've been in a relationship and cuddling close and smelling them. I enjoy their smell. I've even enjoyed how each of them taste. Yet keeping something of theirs and smelling it, even when we are done? NOPE!
Even less when online models offer you certain pieces of clothing for a price. So....yea.....nope. You'll never find any "mementos". It also relieves me of any embarrassing moments if someone discovers a purple rhinestone bustier.
2. Love songs, especially R&B, sound either desperate and needy in a stalker sort of way or self-degrading.
I know the chemistry of love. It's the worst drug to be on and the hardest to be clean when it takes so much time to finally feel yourself once more and you realize that relationship was a train wreck to begin with but you ignored it because body parts, infatuation, or you have been "pinning', read stalking, the other person so long that your shrine is taking one a bit of a serial killer feel to it. Sorry, I have felt affection and caring towards someone else, but they have never been my oxygen or my one and only because I had many ones and onlys. If anything I realize I stepping into love in the same manner that one steps in pet fecal matter, you always wonder why you were not paying attention more. Love songs never help afterward unless you're trying to find the most easiest way to end your life.
Once again, I do not claim to be human in any way.
3. Children being perfect because they're my little blah blah blah
No. Stop it. This is why we have sociopaths and monsters. You are not raising a dolly or a small child or a [insert your own sickening mind rotting baby talk, because you either do it, you fucking, monster or you have heard it, alcohol helps]. You are going to raise a human being who has to carry on your family name and have to deal with other people. I say this because I attract the human version of garbage and when they get too close, usually stabbing distance.....not even fucking joking....I have the scars to prove it, I always wonder if they had parents. Yes, yes they did and they were shit not because they put out their cigarettes on them or used them for bowling balls, but because inserting them a concept of how perfect and amazing and incredible and individual and what other bullshit you tell them you also have to remind them that they are one fucking person among billions and to have some human empathy because if they had some then they would know not to be human garbage and maybe I would not be in therapy!
Seriously, fuck you. Raise your future human right or I'll start calling you out now. I won't name names because that will tip you off and give you a head start.
4. Saying hello is not flirting
I am a whore. I am a complete whore, tease, and I play hard to get. I have been seeing multiple people for the 30 years. I make people feel good about themselves and yet I have never at least offered to finger/handjob them because I am a whore. Do not believe me that I have only been polite enough to you to prevent you from realizing that I am just a trauma away from being emotionally dead. Never believe me that when I say, "lets get dinner" that I am not banking fuck points because why the fuck would I ever spend time with you unless it's to bend you over and fuck you hard or to tease the fuck out of you like the shitty whore I am, remember I started out saying it. I'm actually just teasing the fuck out of you and fucking everyone else. I mean, you seen me say "hello" to others. I'm fucking them. A lot. A good amount of fucking. And then we laugh at you and how I am teasing you and not fucking you. We laugh and we fuck some more until you realize you have to break up with me because going for three meals after work is way too much of a commitment and always lead to fucking, but I'm not fucking you, remember? So why invest in other people unless you are going to bend them over and fuck em so good......so good.....
There I said it. Now your hunches are confirmed. Leave me alone now. I just wanted to say good morning to let you know I need the nondairy creamer and you're in the way.
5. IPA's are the new shitty beers because we can't have something nice unless we saturate life with it and Coors decide to make their own.
I get it. It's bitter and has a bite. Nice.
And yet it's fucking everywhere. Like Coors. It's to the point now you're flavoring it. Like Coors. And making interesting bottles. Like Coors. And if offered everywhere and all the time so that there are nothing else besides IPA's......and Coors.
"Can I have something pleasingly red and warm with a hint of bite?"
"No.....we don't have that, but we have 105 different IPA's......and Coors".
"Oh....can I have something dark, bitter, and thick with a thick foam?"
"Um......we don't have that, but they make a coffee IPA!"
*waiting for it*
"It's made by Coors!"
"Can I have a nice Hefeweizen with a slice of lemon, please?"
"Um.....ah......I don't think we have that IPA."
Stop it. Stop it before you ruin it all......like Coors.
Thursday, December 8, 2016
The Conversation I DO Want to have with Some of You what Think I Need Someone.....
Some of you: Oh, you found someone! That's love and you finally have it! This girl with the stars in her eyes! This is how I found [insert their significant others name] and we'd been happy ever since! I'm so happy you met her! Your life is SO going to be better now that you have found someone!
Me:......
Some of you: You found someone, right? Going out?
Me:......
Some of you: You .....wait.....*reads post again* ......oh.....you haven't met.....wait.....um....I kind of jumped the gun.
Me: ......
Some of you: Um....gee....your.....your life means something......your life has worth and value even without being in love.....
Me:......*still looking at you*
Some of you: ....so you won't change your profile photo to a couple's photos.......and you um......hmmmm......this is awkward....
Me:........*not letting you off the hook*
Some of you: .........I'm sorry......it's ok to be an individual.....
Me: *makes that hand motion that tells you to keep going*
Some of you: .....and your life isn't meaningless if you're single.......
Me: .*motions*
Some of you: ........and you are not an incomplete person......
Me: *motions*
Some of you: .......and not everyone needs to be in a relationship.....and that just because my definition of joy does not mean that I have to impose that on everyone.....
Me:*motions*
Some of you: .....because that's bad.......and insulting......and it's also not realistic........
Me: *smiles and rings a bell. Picks up a small cracker and tosses it to you as a reward*
Some of you:.......can......can I go now........please?
Me: *nods*
Moral: Don't assume I'm not happy. Don't assume I need someone to complete me. Don't assume your happy is mind. Also realize I just shared a glance, not a future, but a glance.
Me:......
Some of you: You found someone, right? Going out?
Me:......
Some of you: You .....wait.....*reads post again* ......oh.....you haven't met.....wait.....um....I kind of jumped the gun.
Me: ......
Some of you: Um....gee....your.....your life means something......your life has worth and value even without being in love.....
Me:......*still looking at you*
Some of you: ....so you won't change your profile photo to a couple's photos.......and you um......hmmmm......this is awkward....
Me:........*not letting you off the hook*
Some of you: .........I'm sorry......it's ok to be an individual.....
Me: *makes that hand motion that tells you to keep going*
Some of you: .....and your life isn't meaningless if you're single.......
Me: .*motions*
Some of you: ........and you are not an incomplete person......
Me: *motions*
Some of you: .......and not everyone needs to be in a relationship.....and that just because my definition of joy does not mean that I have to impose that on everyone.....
Me:*motions*
Some of you: .....because that's bad.......and insulting......and it's also not realistic........
Me: *smiles and rings a bell. Picks up a small cracker and tosses it to you as a reward*
Some of you:.......can......can I go now........please?
Me: *nods*
Moral: Don't assume I'm not happy. Don't assume I need someone to complete me. Don't assume your happy is mind. Also realize I just shared a glance, not a future, but a glance.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By
*Running from offstage right towards center, stops and looks towards audience, disheveled and looking quite rushed. Explosions, sirens, and vevuzela braying from offstage left*
Um....oh yea....um....gonna be just a bit late.....so not noon, probably afternooish? It will come! Yet, just some .....things....yea, things.....have came up and I'm rushing about to get them done this week, but yea....in a few hours. Promise...
*interrupted by woman screaming from offstage left* WHY....WHY IS THERE NOT HONEY MUSTARD?!?!!?!? WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?!?!?!
*looks back at audience, makes odd nodding gesture towards chaos, runs off stage towards insane chaos*
Um....oh yea....um....gonna be just a bit late.....so not noon, probably afternooish? It will come! Yet, just some .....things....yea, things.....have came up and I'm rushing about to get them done this week, but yea....in a few hours. Promise...
*interrupted by woman screaming from offstage left* WHY....WHY IS THERE NOT HONEY MUSTARD?!?!!?!? WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?!?!?!
*looks back at audience, makes odd nodding gesture towards chaos, runs off stage towards insane chaos*
Friday, October 14, 2016
How One's Personal Image may Enhance us All or First the haircut, then the science, and THEN the peace....
If you give Auggie a haircut, he's going to want to comb his hair.
To comb his hair, he's going to choose to shower rather than wet his head at the sink.
Once out the shower, he's going to want to put on regular clothes rather than his sweats/pjs.
Once getting dressed in clothes, he's going to look in the mirror and notice he looks good from his working out.
Once he notices his work, he's going to brush his teeth in case he ends up speaking to people.
Once is teeth is brushed, he's going to live longer since unbrushed teeth has a correlation with heart disease
Once he feels healthy, he's going to end up smiling despite of not knowing he is.
Once he smiles, people will not recoil as much from his aura of malice.
Once he reduces his aura of malice, he's going to notice people do not look at him in worry.
Once he notices people are kinder towards him, he's going to feel good about himself.
Once he feels good about himself, he's going to make a greater effort in improving himself.
Once me makes a greater effort, he's going to challenge himself in moments that would bother him socially.
Once he challenges himself socially, he will conclude there is nothing to worry and he will relax.
Once he relaxes, he'll smile more and work against his stutter and issues.
Once he beats his stutter and issues, he will regain that magnificent confidence.
Once his confidence is secured, he will challenge the world and the realms of science.
Once the scientific realms are challenged, we will achieve greatness in flying cars and less stupid people.
With less stupid people, a new age of enlightenment will begin.
Once we arrive at our age of enlightenment, Auggie will be happy.
But only if his hair is ok......
*bows in silliness and mock importance*
To comb his hair, he's going to choose to shower rather than wet his head at the sink.
Once out the shower, he's going to want to put on regular clothes rather than his sweats/pjs.
Once getting dressed in clothes, he's going to look in the mirror and notice he looks good from his working out.
Once he notices his work, he's going to brush his teeth in case he ends up speaking to people.
Once is teeth is brushed, he's going to live longer since unbrushed teeth has a correlation with heart disease
Once he feels healthy, he's going to end up smiling despite of not knowing he is.
Once he smiles, people will not recoil as much from his aura of malice.
Once he reduces his aura of malice, he's going to notice people do not look at him in worry.
Once he notices people are kinder towards him, he's going to feel good about himself.
Once he feels good about himself, he's going to make a greater effort in improving himself.
Once me makes a greater effort, he's going to challenge himself in moments that would bother him socially.
Once he challenges himself socially, he will conclude there is nothing to worry and he will relax.
Once he relaxes, he'll smile more and work against his stutter and issues.
Once he beats his stutter and issues, he will regain that magnificent confidence.
Once his confidence is secured, he will challenge the world and the realms of science.
Once the scientific realms are challenged, we will achieve greatness in flying cars and less stupid people.
With less stupid people, a new age of enlightenment will begin.
Once we arrive at our age of enlightenment, Auggie will be happy.
But only if his hair is ok......
*bows in silliness and mock importance*
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Internal Conflict and Dialogue between Introverted Mind and Adulting or PHO!!!!!!!!
*Me this morning, speaking to myself*
Me: Ok, I need to get in the shower now, so that I can go and handle some things and make it to lunch with my friend for pho........PHO!!!!!!
Introvert Me: Or.....
Me: .....no, no, not now.....
IM: .......or.....
Me: No no no....I need to handle my business....
IM: But look at your book......you ONLY read a chapter...
Me: ....yes, but it's AronRa's chapter....that's thicker than my old micro stuff.....and I had to look things up onlines...
IM: ...Oh, look....the guitar with pretty and new strings....you haven't played in two weeks....your calluses are going away...
Me: Yes...I know, I've been stupidly busy....I'll play it soon.....
IM: And look how hazy the day is outside.....perfect nap weather....
Me:........I like na.....no NO.....I have things to do.....I can't cancel on this friend.....again.....
IM:....there's vanilla ice cream in the fridge....you know that....but dairy....you'd have to stay in....
Me: ....I do like ice cream...*clear throat*.....nnnnoo....I'll be clogged all day also. It's winterish and I'll get sick......
IM: ...best reason to nap the day......*yawn* .....away.....
Me:.....yea....outside sucks.......*lays down and almost drifts to sleep* PHO!!!!!!
IM: Oh wait....you're getting pho!?! Get you ass in that shower!
*gets ass in the shower*
Moral: PHO!!!!!!
Me: Ok, I need to get in the shower now, so that I can go and handle some things and make it to lunch with my friend for pho........PHO!!!!!!
Introvert Me: Or.....
Me: .....no, no, not now.....
IM: .......or.....
Me: No no no....I need to handle my business....
IM: But look at your book......you ONLY read a chapter...
Me: ....yes, but it's AronRa's chapter....that's thicker than my old micro stuff.....and I had to look things up onlines...
IM: ...Oh, look....the guitar with pretty and new strings....you haven't played in two weeks....your calluses are going away...
Me: Yes...I know, I've been stupidly busy....I'll play it soon.....
IM: And look how hazy the day is outside.....perfect nap weather....
Me:........I like na.....no NO.....I have things to do.....I can't cancel on this friend.....again.....
IM:....there's vanilla ice cream in the fridge....you know that....but dairy....you'd have to stay in....
Me: ....I do like ice cream...*clear throat*.....nnnnoo....I'll be clogged all day also. It's winterish and I'll get sick......
IM: ...best reason to nap the day......*yawn* .....away.....
Me:.....yea....outside sucks.......*lays down and almost drifts to sleep* PHO!!!!!!
IM: Oh wait....you're getting pho!?! Get you ass in that shower!
*gets ass in the shower*
Moral: PHO!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Shower Epiphany: A Cookie Plea
Shower Epiphany: A Cookie Plea
If you love me, feed me cookies.
If you do not, feed me cookies and let me leave.
If you're impartial, feed me cookies and shrug.
If you don't know me, feed me cookies and wave.
If you do know me, feed me cookies and nod.
If you have an itch, feed me cookies with one hand and scratch with the other.
If you're out of cookies, go get cookies.
If you love cookies, feed them to me and we will share.
If you hate cookies, feed them to me and watch me smite your enemy.
If you can't feed me cookies cause you're far away, come close and feed me cookies.
If you are way too far away and can't come over, send me cookies and a photo of you.
If you pass on, I'll mourn you with cookies you provide.
If you are born, tell your parents to have cookies as I wish you a happy birthday.
What I'm trying to say here is I need be fed cookies. You have no fucking excuse! So....yea....get to it.
If you love me, feed me cookies.
If you do not, feed me cookies and let me leave.
If you're impartial, feed me cookies and shrug.
If you don't know me, feed me cookies and wave.
If you do know me, feed me cookies and nod.
If you have an itch, feed me cookies with one hand and scratch with the other.
If you're out of cookies, go get cookies.
If you love cookies, feed them to me and we will share.
If you hate cookies, feed them to me and watch me smite your enemy.
If you can't feed me cookies cause you're far away, come close and feed me cookies.
If you are way too far away and can't come over, send me cookies and a photo of you.
If you pass on, I'll mourn you with cookies you provide.
If you are born, tell your parents to have cookies as I wish you a happy birthday.
What I'm trying to say here is I need be fed cookies. You have no fucking excuse! So....yea....get to it.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Shower Epiphany: Just cause I'm Gone doesn't mean I can't have fun!
Shower Epiphany: Reading Gypsie Raleigh's comics I decided I do want a tombstone for people to visit that says,
Although I've come to realize that things will get boring once I'm gone so I will create a Living Will that provide money to every now and then dig up my grave and leave an open casket a jar with muddy footprints walking away with the following notes:
Still Dead
Thanks for Checking on me
- It's dark down there! Going to get a night light and some Manga.
- It's Fucking Halloween, I'm not staying in! Gonna get some candy!
- Just Heard [A person I hate] just died. Going to dance on their grave and shit on it a little.
- There's another Star Wars Movie! I ain't missing this!
- I farted and it stinks. Gonna air out while I get some pepto.
- I SAW A ROACH!
- Got Bored. Going to get tacos! Be right back!
- Hold on, someone just rediscovered the Jonas Brother's music catalog. Need to save your asses!
- Hold on, The Rolling Stones are touring. I wanna see this again!
- It's Taco Tuesday. Where do you think I am?
- Feeling a little fat. Going for a run.
- That's it. You done fucked up! I'm starting the Zombie Uprising! I WARNED YOU!
- The guy in the next grave keeps talking to me. Need to get some earplugs.
- The gravedigger keeps bad touching me. I'm getting the fuck out of here!
- Some one keeps making Chuck Norris jokes. I need to teach this fucker what's what!
- Got Bored again. Going to hide under some beds. Psychiatrists need to make a living you know.
- Hold on, need to get my music catalog updated again. Fucking technology!
- I guess I have to grow my own damn flowers!
- Hold on....I got updated to some shitty version of Windows. I need to buy 7 again.
- What the Fuck are you doing again?!? Haven't you fixed the voting system?!? Do I have to fix everything?
- Ate someone that didn't agree with me. Check the restroom. Bring toilet paper!
- THERE'S ANOTHER WU TANG ALBUM! I'm buying this one!
- Stop fucking visiting me! I'm still an INTROVERT! Give me some fucking space, geesh!
- I'm tired of hearing your shitty problems. Going to get shitfaced!
- Getting laid. Come back later in a couple of hours!
- Fucking $10 for delivery! Fuck that!
- It's Saint's Patty's Day! Going to get shitfaced!
- Dude! R.R. Martin finally finished the fucking book!
You know I do this because I love you right?
What would you do without me?
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Feeding the Aug of War- A Comedic Relief and Moment to Speak Openly
*crunches biscuit in mouth*
.....hmmmmmmm.......the hardest part about keeping track of calories is that you have to jump through hoops to find the information. I mean, seriously. They have the caloric information of semen (5-25 calories), but not what I need! Geesh....whose job was it to to that experiment. Hell, who has to clean out that bomb calorimeter?
Fuck.....*looks at box of biscuits while chewing* I might have to stop eating these.....
***
Um......hey, hi..........um I wanted to take a moment and thank you for reading this. It's honestly been to damn long since I written anything and getting back in the stride of things can be....awkward. This is also awkward. The fact that I'm actually speaking to you rather me going on a rant much like the poor guy on the corner near me babbling away on what what and that that.
Yea, but I kind of wanted to take a second to say a few things if only for my own sanity considering that one, people actually read this. Two, I'm actually getting views from Germany, France and South Korea, I kind of wanted to apologize to you all for actually reading my insanity and to remind you, you know the Internet has porn. Seriously, porn. I would almost feel more comfortable if you went for porn rather then read my insanely stupid thoughts. Like, seriously.....porn.....no? Ok.....
More importantly, three, I want to say thanks for just reading. Writing is kind of my way to vent and play with thoughts that just bounce around in my head and keep me from sleeping, so the fact that any of you read this really makes me feel ....um...I'm not sure......valued? I would not mind comments either. I'm really not too big on interaction, but considering that you've all read my oddness I kind of feel a bit more braver with whatever I'm saying.
Shoot, I would mind positive critique. Or even interaction, he says now somehow realizing he really has no idea how he will respond outside of hiding in a blanket and staring at the screen. I kind of use my writing to lash out, but I want to use it to create also. I'm trying to get my humor back, I realize that writing has to be practiced by doing and if I get any positive response I'm quite willing to do more.
Just not, "you suck" or anything negative. I actually want my writing to be snark free so I want to have a kind relationship with you good people if any. I'm more then used to debate, bullying, and just unimaginitive mockery. I guess what I'm trying to say if you make contact I'll try to please. Or if you can mention if you like something I'll try to do that more.
Am I making any sense? No, Ok.....just being silly stupid nervous.
Ha ha....ok, but thanks for the time your can honestly be spending looking at pornography.....they have on top AND on bottom you know! Even *looks around the room then whispers* girls that kiss girls......I know! Right? Internets is wild! Oh my, I'm getting the vapors....I need to sit and fan myself before I swoon.....ha ha...
Ok, Peace and Love.
Be kind to each other.
*pulls another one out and starts to crunch on it*
....one day.....just not today....
*puts down the box with the most adorable golden retriever on the front, still chewing*
Friday, April 25, 2014
26 Things that I'm not too fond of when I'm working out regularly
1. Eating tons of food, because I need to have that feeling of gorging while trying to be healthy.
2. The tons of protein power I have to eat because eating 21 eggs a day is not feasible unless I'm Cool Hand Luke.
3. The immense amount of water I have to drink because if I eat that much protein I have to keep my kidneys from shutting down. So not only do I feel full, but I am feeling a bit drunk.
4. The DOMS that hit when I start working out, because nothing motivates me more to keep working out than every fiber of muscle screaming in unison.
5. Trying to get 8 hours of sleep. I'm an insomniac. I'd be so much more fitter if I can sleep regularly. That and I would not be in as much pain.
6. Hearing form others about how they tried working out but it's SO HARD! I MEAN HOW COULD YOU DO IT? I HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE BEING MOTIVATED! Yea.....that's what I need. Someone to whine about their lack of motivation when I'm dragging my ass around.
7. Idiots who decide to lecture me that I'm not doing it right in the middle of my workout. If you want we can have coffee. Have a chat AFTERWARDS. Not in mid burpee or in mid snatch.
8. People who want to advice on how to get "perfect abs" and do not accept the concept of work. Really? You think this is just possible for wanting? Get off your ass and move!
9. People who watch me work out and have to start a conversation around me on how they work out ALL THE TIME, but blah blah blah....and they're only this because blah blahh blah.....Shut up and go away. Make your bitch excuses away from me.
10. Bruises on sore muscles. No describable hell than that feeling of pain.
11.Going to the bathroom. Alot. All the time.
12. Looking for tips in magazines and youtube only to realize after you invested 20 minutes that there is nothing new to learn. Why did you make it seem you knew something I didn't?
13. People (read: women) who say that lifting makes you mannish. The porn star that your boy friend likes? She squats. Ever wonder why he's thinking of when he's tugging your empty skirt? Yea.....
14. People (read: meatheads) who say they don't need cardio. That's nice, you are huge, Arnold. And yet I can out run you without risk of a coronary. When the zombies come just know I can scale the fence, outrun and out fight you, you walking cow. In fact, I hope I become a zombie to tear into your meaty flesh. I need the protein it seems.
15. People who discourage others who may be heavy/out of shape by making fun of them working out. Really? What the fuck is wrong with you? They're trying to solve the issue! Fuck off!
16.Washing workout clothing. Yes, I do the sniff test. I do run in smelly clothes at times. I do so because between bathroom and eating times I'm just doing laundry.
17. Finally dropping weight and going to try clothes that now should fit only to discover that your body don't fit because you are too muscular....hench the bigger size. =-| Seriously?
18. Falling asleep in the shower/bath trying to loosen up my aching body.
19. Walking around like an old man that I don't want to be since I'm working out so much to feel .....young.
20. Doing mental math in my head on if I can share a cookie with someone. Most of the time it's a euphemism for something else. Yea.....so many times. So sad.
21. Getting that testosterone rush and feeling aggressive/horny. I spar alot. A whole lot. So much sparing. =-| Sparing.
22. Wanting to share an accomplishment only to find people don't really care.
24. Finally getting a chance to have a treat on a cheat day and getting "guilted" by someone. FUCK YOU! I EARNED THIS!
25. Finally getting to indulge on something for a cheat day then having the chance and you realize that ....nah. WHAT THE HELL?!?! I BEEN WANTING THIS ALL WEEK NOW.....nah? *starts crying*
26. It takes SO MUCH BOOZE to get you drunk with your metabolism so high and yet not enough when you drop body fat. =-| So sad.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Shower Epiphany: The New Black
It confuses me how people keep using the term "blank is the new black".
Why is there a new black? Why is everything else trying to dethrone black? Black isn't doing it's duty? Are there term limits?
You never hear this anywhere else and you wonder what's wrong with someone if they say things just as stupid such as Ford is the new Cadillac or you are a strategist while I am a tactician.
Stupid shit.
Really? How about red be red and purple be happy it's purple? Just a thought.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Shower Epiphany: So I find you attractive: a concise guide to what I actually mean when I say it and other tips in dealing with me
Speaking to a good friend yesterday, I realize that I'm a bit of an oddity, especially when she calls me one. This usually come to light when we are discussion how I don't usually fit with what the majority of "alpha males" are doing to get the attention of potential mate. I've come to realize that I guess it's my fault since I usually make most people, especially women confused, so I'm going to screw around with a pamphlet that helps people figure me out a bit more. The working title is going to be "So I find you attractive: a concise guide to what I actually mean when I say it." Some topics include:
What do I want from you? Nothing really:how hanging out is just that and not a sneaky way into your pants.
What's your favorite color?: How I usually pick things up for people since I see them and how it does not mean I'm trying to getting you to "owe me" and probably paying you back for treating for a meal.
Why are you breaking up with me or giving me the girlfriend talk?: Even if we hang out and I care alot about you, it does now mean we are in a relationship. If I haven't seen you at minimum naked I don't need the girlfriend talk. That's just your emotions trying to deal with someone who actually cares about others. Imagine that, care about you without sex?
"Oh wow, this is an interesting conversation we are having......um, my boyfriend also cares about this topic....:How it's ok to enjoy a conversation without having guilt of having one without your significant other. No, it' snot cheating. It's just being interesting. You know, like that beer guy? Interesting?
"It's kind of late do you want to crash here?" : How I didn't get your hint on sleeping with you and you should probably just come out an mention it. I'm a simple creature who doesn't think he is attractive, especially after that threeway you talked about just a little while ago.
"Wait.....what are you doing? Why did you stop?": How I listen to the word "No" and how to cope with that. I know, I actually listened.
And so many more! Sign up now and you also get a list of things that I care about and not give a rat's ass for, such as....
*I like science and research not fairy tales and stories of your friends brother that proves that dogs have souls or leprechauns.
*Being nice to rude people is my way of laughing since I know they're so close to getting beat down and I want people to see how much of an ass they are before I snap
*I don't care about famous people or millionaires. I'm sure they have their issues and problems. I just don't care. Anyone who can afford a decent amount of food in their fridge are not usually on my list so......oh well
And!
*Someone is being an ass on tv and everyone is talking about it.......ok, I'm going to continue not to care about twerking, or tongues out, or being high on camera because.....well, I rather not deal with stupid shit when there are real things to deal with.
AND MUCH....MUCH MORE! Order yours now.
*takes a bow*
What do I want from you? Nothing really:how hanging out is just that and not a sneaky way into your pants.
What's your favorite color?: How I usually pick things up for people since I see them and how it does not mean I'm trying to getting you to "owe me" and probably paying you back for treating for a meal.
Why are you breaking up with me or giving me the girlfriend talk?: Even if we hang out and I care alot about you, it does now mean we are in a relationship. If I haven't seen you at minimum naked I don't need the girlfriend talk. That's just your emotions trying to deal with someone who actually cares about others. Imagine that, care about you without sex?
"Oh wow, this is an interesting conversation we are having......um, my boyfriend also cares about this topic....:How it's ok to enjoy a conversation without having guilt of having one without your significant other. No, it' snot cheating. It's just being interesting. You know, like that beer guy? Interesting?
"It's kind of late do you want to crash here?" : How I didn't get your hint on sleeping with you and you should probably just come out an mention it. I'm a simple creature who doesn't think he is attractive, especially after that threeway you talked about just a little while ago.
"Wait.....what are you doing? Why did you stop?": How I listen to the word "No" and how to cope with that. I know, I actually listened.
And so many more! Sign up now and you also get a list of things that I care about and not give a rat's ass for, such as....
*I like science and research not fairy tales and stories of your friends brother that proves that dogs have souls or leprechauns.
*Being nice to rude people is my way of laughing since I know they're so close to getting beat down and I want people to see how much of an ass they are before I snap
*I don't care about famous people or millionaires. I'm sure they have their issues and problems. I just don't care. Anyone who can afford a decent amount of food in their fridge are not usually on my list so......oh well
And!
*Someone is being an ass on tv and everyone is talking about it.......ok, I'm going to continue not to care about twerking, or tongues out, or being high on camera because.....well, I rather not deal with stupid shit when there are real things to deal with.
AND MUCH....MUCH MORE! Order yours now.
*takes a bow*
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tea and Cookie Zen
Sitting at a cafe with a friend, A Mysterious Tea Drinker (see you made it this time) drinking tea and reconnecting.
Mysterious Tea Drinker: I noticed that thing you were connected to on Facebook.
Me: hmmmmm.....what thing? *almost defensive*
MTD: That thing about not knowing if you are on a date.
Me: Ah.....yea....that. *keeps sipping, wishing topic was changed*
MTD: I laugh at what you write sometimes. I really think you're faking it, especially dating someone and not knowing it. How is it that this happens to you?
Me: *shrugs and does his best J.D. imitation, mumbling* I don't know....you know...fuck it you know, I don't fucking know...
*both share a laugh as we love The Show*
MTD: Ok, seriously. I know you told me the stories already, but I still find it odd. How can you not know if someone is into you?
Me: Well....that's not the question, is it? I know if someone is into me. The thing is are they into me enough to make their designs known. *nibbles on his half of the black and white cookie*
MTD: What do you mean?
Me: *takes a moment to chew and sips tea to help it go down faster* Ok....I know if someone is into me. I figure that most people have to be if they're going to spend any time with me, like now. We're having tea and sharing a cookie or two. Is it a big deal? Is it something special? Will we be looking back at this and telling our grandchildren that this is how we met. *does a series of yes and no head shakes to prove and disprove the statement* Who knows? As for me, I stopped caring years ago.
MTD: Why did you stop caring?
Me: You know.....I really don't know anymore. Part of me feels that I am running out of time. As if I don't have the time to actually go out and go courting. I kind of felt this way a while back.....*does math* seven years or so. I just feel that it's something I've missed out and will never do. So, I just spend time with others.
MTD: But thats like anything else. You have to make time for others. Don't you get lonely or horny?*smiling at my facial response*
Me: Well, I see you're cutting to the bone again. Yea, I do since we are going to be blunt. I know how to hang out with someone. I know how to have fun and just screw around in a sort of, "I'm going to get in trouble so you wanna come along sort of thing". I even know how to sleep with a woman, but somehow I can't get that the ducks all in line. I never just went out with someone or at least it never went well just to end up in a relationship. I don't know....to me it seems ...deceptive.
MTD: Deceptive?
Me: Yea.....deceptive. I have never felt good with the idea of meeting someone to date really. I ....don't feel that comfortable in my own skin to do that. It feels like lying to me. As if I am trying to just get into bed with them and that is the ultimate goal. That makes me feel....ick....just ick. I don't know I never had that confidence where I know I'm going to get someone into bed or that we were going to hit it off into a relationship. I've always been that chubby kid or the thin guy or the guy who has been married all his life. So when I talk to someone...anyone....it's more of a conversation. I just want to know who you are and if I want to see you again.
MTD: Isn't that dating?
Me:.....no. Imagine just seeing someone because they make you laugh. I don't even know why I'm even am explaining this. It seems so simple in my head. It's just hanging out with someone with no promise of sex. I mean, if you do that and know for any reason that it's not going to happen you get comfortable all of a sudden. Like talking to a large room. You know that you are never going to get your speech right and that the best thing to do is just go with the flow and get close enough while just sort of getting there. Not rush or obligation. Just say what is on your mind. That honesty just takes the burden off of you. I don't have to "clean up" and pretend that I'm just interested in you so that I can bed you. That's just dishonest. I don't want to be that guy. I want to know you and figure out if I want to spend the rest of my life having tea with you.
MTD: Wow....that's really cool. You just want to hang out. But then why do you have this problem then?
Me: I don't know. I'm honest. I have to be. I'm a horrible liar. If I end up being phony you'd know it. I get plastic very fast. I don't like that. I am not interested in that. I'm just spending a bit of time with people I like to be around.
MTD: Are you attracted to them?
Me: Sure.....I'm attracted to everyone I spend time with. I am interested in them like walking to a book store. There are so many books but there is only so much time to pick one up and invest that time into them. Some books I never picked up. Others I've given up one the first page or in the middle. Either way I was always attracted to them and I had given that investment up, but I just realized that I figured them out and sensed that I didn't want to finish them or that it was something I made a mistake in and decided I didn't want to know any more. So I put them down and move on. Others I reread and cherish all my life.
MTD: You treat people like books?
Me: .....yea....
MTD: That's kind of messed up.
Me: Not really. You like some things and you want those things around you. I'm not going to waste my time on something that is going to waste my time and if it's a person their time as well. I want to know if I can go back and "reread" you again and again. I want to know that you are a story that I value, love and will even share with others. Everyone is special in that way, but that does not mean that I am willing to read about them or that the story will please me. I'm sure there are awesome people in the world that also watch Honey Boo Boo. I just don't want to meet them. It's not my thing and I rather not waste their time. It's easier to meet people and walk away. It's harder if you throw sex into the mix.
MTD: Ok, then you just spend time with people. That still doesn't answer the question. Do you want something more?
Me: Yea....
MTD: So don't you think that you should tell people that you want them?
Me: If that was the issue, would we not be having tea.
MTD: Wait...what?
Me: *laughing* I'm joking. But in a way I'm not. I'm not that shallow. I like moments like these with people without knowing that sex is going to screw it over. I love telling someone who everyone if vying for their attention that I think we make better friends than lovers so we should just be friends. It really fucks over women, but it also puts them at rest and I really get to know them. I mean the real them. Once that pressure is off you meet the real person.
MTD: Then are we having a date?
Me: I hope not. I'm still sweaty from my workout and I honestly think you can do better.
*we share a laugh*
Me: But it's like that. I just stopped caring cause it's just.....dishonest. I like you alot. I've known you for years and I miss you and I want to know what have happened while life pulled me away from you. I try to reconnect with a handful of people because I care and love them and alot of times I can't get to all of them. So these moments are good for me. In the end, I'm happy seeing you all again.
MTD: But what if they're married or dating?
Me: Bring them along. Once again I'm not trying to get into someone's pants. I just want my time with them. I want to see how they are and if they attached then pull them along. I'm not hiding anything. I honestly care about them and not vying to "sit on the bench".
MTD: But you end up on alot of benches.
Me: Yea.....I do. Sometimes I figure that out and I think it's why I end up being the other man. I'm working on some things to change that, but what am I going to do? I think it's why I don't trust people all the way until we had these moments and then I still don't.
MTD: Why?
Me: We met like this how many times? I mean, if you were just trying to date me or get my attention how many things would you tell me to sway me? Would you be yourself or would you be that person you think would attract me? Would you tell me what books you love or agree with me that Cervantes was brilliant? I already know he's brilliant. But I want to know what you think not what you think would get you to sleep with me. You end up with a version of the person that isn't great or real. You build up this imaginary lover who you lose track of in the end. I'm making close friends no matter what. Someone who will have me over for a meal and let me play with their children one day. People who will be my family. I don't keep lovers as family since I'm not wired that way. I make close friends who I will keep. Lovers....they just end up leaving. Remember? " I need lab partners more than a bedmate? I need to pass chemistry!"
*we laugh long at that one*
MTD: So....if I'm seeing someone...
Me: I wish you happiness. I told you that you can do better than me.
MTD: And if I'm not.
Me: *shrugs* I like tea and cookies and so do you. We can always have tea and cookies.
MTD: And if I want more?
Me: *calling her bluff* Then let's see. Either way I already think you're great so there isn't much you have to do. See.....no pressure at all. But I still think you can do better.
* we laugh some more and spend the rest of the time enjoying our moment*
Moral: Collect people who will make you happy. Not people who are fuckable.
And Baba Booye to you all.
Mysterious Tea Drinker: I noticed that thing you were connected to on Facebook.
Me: hmmmmm.....what thing? *almost defensive*
MTD: That thing about not knowing if you are on a date.
Me: Ah.....yea....that. *keeps sipping, wishing topic was changed*
MTD: I laugh at what you write sometimes. I really think you're faking it, especially dating someone and not knowing it. How is it that this happens to you?
Me: *shrugs and does his best J.D. imitation, mumbling* I don't know....you know...fuck it you know, I don't fucking know...
*both share a laugh as we love The Show*
MTD: Ok, seriously. I know you told me the stories already, but I still find it odd. How can you not know if someone is into you?
Me: Well....that's not the question, is it? I know if someone is into me. The thing is are they into me enough to make their designs known. *nibbles on his half of the black and white cookie*
MTD: What do you mean?
Me: *takes a moment to chew and sips tea to help it go down faster* Ok....I know if someone is into me. I figure that most people have to be if they're going to spend any time with me, like now. We're having tea and sharing a cookie or two. Is it a big deal? Is it something special? Will we be looking back at this and telling our grandchildren that this is how we met. *does a series of yes and no head shakes to prove and disprove the statement* Who knows? As for me, I stopped caring years ago.
MTD: Why did you stop caring?
Me: You know.....I really don't know anymore. Part of me feels that I am running out of time. As if I don't have the time to actually go out and go courting. I kind of felt this way a while back.....*does math* seven years or so. I just feel that it's something I've missed out and will never do. So, I just spend time with others.
MTD: But thats like anything else. You have to make time for others. Don't you get lonely or horny?*smiling at my facial response*
Me: Well, I see you're cutting to the bone again. Yea, I do since we are going to be blunt. I know how to hang out with someone. I know how to have fun and just screw around in a sort of, "I'm going to get in trouble so you wanna come along sort of thing". I even know how to sleep with a woman, but somehow I can't get that the ducks all in line. I never just went out with someone or at least it never went well just to end up in a relationship. I don't know....to me it seems ...deceptive.
MTD: Deceptive?
Me: Yea.....deceptive. I have never felt good with the idea of meeting someone to date really. I ....don't feel that comfortable in my own skin to do that. It feels like lying to me. As if I am trying to just get into bed with them and that is the ultimate goal. That makes me feel....ick....just ick. I don't know I never had that confidence where I know I'm going to get someone into bed or that we were going to hit it off into a relationship. I've always been that chubby kid or the thin guy or the guy who has been married all his life. So when I talk to someone...anyone....it's more of a conversation. I just want to know who you are and if I want to see you again.
MTD: Isn't that dating?
Me:.....no. Imagine just seeing someone because they make you laugh. I don't even know why I'm even am explaining this. It seems so simple in my head. It's just hanging out with someone with no promise of sex. I mean, if you do that and know for any reason that it's not going to happen you get comfortable all of a sudden. Like talking to a large room. You know that you are never going to get your speech right and that the best thing to do is just go with the flow and get close enough while just sort of getting there. Not rush or obligation. Just say what is on your mind. That honesty just takes the burden off of you. I don't have to "clean up" and pretend that I'm just interested in you so that I can bed you. That's just dishonest. I don't want to be that guy. I want to know you and figure out if I want to spend the rest of my life having tea with you.
MTD: Wow....that's really cool. You just want to hang out. But then why do you have this problem then?
Me: I don't know. I'm honest. I have to be. I'm a horrible liar. If I end up being phony you'd know it. I get plastic very fast. I don't like that. I am not interested in that. I'm just spending a bit of time with people I like to be around.
MTD: Are you attracted to them?
Me: Sure.....I'm attracted to everyone I spend time with. I am interested in them like walking to a book store. There are so many books but there is only so much time to pick one up and invest that time into them. Some books I never picked up. Others I've given up one the first page or in the middle. Either way I was always attracted to them and I had given that investment up, but I just realized that I figured them out and sensed that I didn't want to finish them or that it was something I made a mistake in and decided I didn't want to know any more. So I put them down and move on. Others I reread and cherish all my life.
MTD: You treat people like books?
Me: .....yea....
MTD: That's kind of messed up.
Me: Not really. You like some things and you want those things around you. I'm not going to waste my time on something that is going to waste my time and if it's a person their time as well. I want to know if I can go back and "reread" you again and again. I want to know that you are a story that I value, love and will even share with others. Everyone is special in that way, but that does not mean that I am willing to read about them or that the story will please me. I'm sure there are awesome people in the world that also watch Honey Boo Boo. I just don't want to meet them. It's not my thing and I rather not waste their time. It's easier to meet people and walk away. It's harder if you throw sex into the mix.
MTD: Ok, then you just spend time with people. That still doesn't answer the question. Do you want something more?
Me: Yea....
MTD: So don't you think that you should tell people that you want them?
Me: If that was the issue, would we not be having tea.
MTD: Wait...what?
Me: *laughing* I'm joking. But in a way I'm not. I'm not that shallow. I like moments like these with people without knowing that sex is going to screw it over. I love telling someone who everyone if vying for their attention that I think we make better friends than lovers so we should just be friends. It really fucks over women, but it also puts them at rest and I really get to know them. I mean the real them. Once that pressure is off you meet the real person.
MTD: Then are we having a date?
Me: I hope not. I'm still sweaty from my workout and I honestly think you can do better.
*we share a laugh*
Me: But it's like that. I just stopped caring cause it's just.....dishonest. I like you alot. I've known you for years and I miss you and I want to know what have happened while life pulled me away from you. I try to reconnect with a handful of people because I care and love them and alot of times I can't get to all of them. So these moments are good for me. In the end, I'm happy seeing you all again.
MTD: But what if they're married or dating?
Me: Bring them along. Once again I'm not trying to get into someone's pants. I just want my time with them. I want to see how they are and if they attached then pull them along. I'm not hiding anything. I honestly care about them and not vying to "sit on the bench".
MTD: But you end up on alot of benches.
Me: Yea.....I do. Sometimes I figure that out and I think it's why I end up being the other man. I'm working on some things to change that, but what am I going to do? I think it's why I don't trust people all the way until we had these moments and then I still don't.
MTD: Why?
Me: We met like this how many times? I mean, if you were just trying to date me or get my attention how many things would you tell me to sway me? Would you be yourself or would you be that person you think would attract me? Would you tell me what books you love or agree with me that Cervantes was brilliant? I already know he's brilliant. But I want to know what you think not what you think would get you to sleep with me. You end up with a version of the person that isn't great or real. You build up this imaginary lover who you lose track of in the end. I'm making close friends no matter what. Someone who will have me over for a meal and let me play with their children one day. People who will be my family. I don't keep lovers as family since I'm not wired that way. I make close friends who I will keep. Lovers....they just end up leaving. Remember? " I need lab partners more than a bedmate? I need to pass chemistry!"
*we laugh long at that one*
MTD: So....if I'm seeing someone...
Me: I wish you happiness. I told you that you can do better than me.
MTD: And if I'm not.
Me: *shrugs* I like tea and cookies and so do you. We can always have tea and cookies.
MTD: And if I want more?
Me: *calling her bluff* Then let's see. Either way I already think you're great so there isn't much you have to do. See.....no pressure at all. But I still think you can do better.
* we laugh some more and spend the rest of the time enjoying our moment*
Moral: Collect people who will make you happy. Not people who are fuckable.
And Baba Booye to you all.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
20 Reasons why I would do better as an Animated Character on TV.
1. I always seem to wear the same outfit and still look good in it.
2. I would get to see more people but for only one half hour per week.
3. Things I say always seem to end up on t shirts anyways.
4. Using my life as inspiration you can use it for materials for years or just call it a reality show.
5. I do well with sidekicks, including children, animals, imaginary people, beer drinking and cursing robots and alter egos.
6. My catch phrases are already being shared with others.
7. Some of my stories would be easier to animate considering the legality, audacity, and the WTF factor.
8. I can finally achieve Perfect Hair Forever
9. Who would not enjoy me beating the shit out of Cookie Monster and Orangutans? That's right, no one!
10. Considering that animated alcohol is cheap, you CAN pay me in my own weight.
11. Who else will grab on to that Futurama money? Tosh? That bitch can barely keep people from punking his ass.
12. Guest stars we want to see like Marilyn Manson, Bruce Lee, and Richard Dawkins.
13. Every week we have a segment of People who are stupider than a box of rocks.
14. It would be decently animated despite of drinking most of the money.
15. Fuck that secret word shit......Weekly Drinking game!
16. Weekly segment: Weird Shit Japan is into!
17. Instead of commercials, Adult Film Stars and "dancers" in a comfy chair reading from Classic Literature. You have never heard Carmen Electra read Little Women before.
18. Mythbusters approved physics with explosions
19. A moral lesson and an ending thought from the Archive of Shower Epiphany.
20. Once again, me beating the shit out of Orangutans.
Adult Swim and Comedy Central......I await your call.
2. I would get to see more people but for only one half hour per week.
3. Things I say always seem to end up on t shirts anyways.
4. Using my life as inspiration you can use it for materials for years or just call it a reality show.
5. I do well with sidekicks, including children, animals, imaginary people, beer drinking and cursing robots and alter egos.
6. My catch phrases are already being shared with others.
7. Some of my stories would be easier to animate considering the legality, audacity, and the WTF factor.
8. I can finally achieve Perfect Hair Forever
9. Who would not enjoy me beating the shit out of Cookie Monster and Orangutans? That's right, no one!
10. Considering that animated alcohol is cheap, you CAN pay me in my own weight.
11. Who else will grab on to that Futurama money? Tosh? That bitch can barely keep people from punking his ass.
12. Guest stars we want to see like Marilyn Manson, Bruce Lee, and Richard Dawkins.
13. Every week we have a segment of People who are stupider than a box of rocks.
14. It would be decently animated despite of drinking most of the money.
15. Fuck that secret word shit......Weekly Drinking game!
16. Weekly segment: Weird Shit Japan is into!
17. Instead of commercials, Adult Film Stars and "dancers" in a comfy chair reading from Classic Literature. You have never heard Carmen Electra read Little Women before.
18. Mythbusters approved physics with explosions
19. A moral lesson and an ending thought from the Archive of Shower Epiphany.
20. Once again, me beating the shit out of Orangutans.
Adult Swim and Comedy Central......I await your call.
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