Pets in some ways are kind of "de-evolved" versions of their undomesticated relatives on the tree of life. Usually, most animals have an ingrained sense of self-preservation that kicks in to make sure they don't suffer anything that may kill them. In fact, most of our weirdness comes from the fact that we are not listening for the rustle of weeds that will give us a few seconds warning of the big monster that plans on dining on our entrail. So all things considered animals are pretty good at not dying from their environment. That considering, the pets I'm looking after are a bit derpish in this department and I have no idea why.
The dog lives in a gorgeous building that is not only safe, but even outside is buffered with a large promenade on a cliffside area that overlooks the swamp land....oh I mean the wetlands near here. There is grassy areas and even a putting lawn for people who'd find that lovely. Plenty of fountains and poopy stations where they offer you bags for your pet's waste and a handy side compartment to place bagged waste in for your convenience at least 10 yards from each other. It's pretty plush. I know at least 20 dogs who'd love to take advantage of the area including two-hour street sweeping that just takes 20 minutes and their own bicycle police who peddle and look at me with prepared anticipation of mayhem. Yet I'm going to say that these pets are beyond soft. In the grand scale of things they belonged to some monster's supper or in modern day's time a victim of their environment.
The dog has no sense of danger. She's sweet and loving in an almost desperate, stalker "I'm under your bed smelling your socks" sort of way. Yet the biggest thing that bothers me is that she has no sense of danger. Mind you, it's probably because her people have her in this sheltered mind frame and that's fine. Not my pets, not my burden. I'm just sitting. Yet when there is only one-way traffic here so you just have to worry about looking left for the majority of time here, this dog blatantly walks into the street with no regard to what can happen with the eagerness of supposed lemmings. Most trained dogs stop at the curb and at least waits for instruction. She bolts across. I've known people who lost pets to an open fence and cars are usually the murderer considering they would venture out in break neck speed towards careless or even malicious drivers. Here the traffic is one way and slow. Yet this dog wants to be a statistic. At best I have her waiting past the curb, looking back in her annoyed and derpish face. "Why aren't we running into the street?" Because I'm fucking in charge and your stupid will probably get in the way of my payment if I want to look at this coldly and at worse I am still trying to retain the few hours of peaceful sleep I have.
The cat.....the cat is what gets me the most. I've known many antisocial cats. Cats who'd retain their spirit of defiance and rebelliousness towards domestication. Cats who still murder, I say murder because they don't eat them, but usually have some sort of serial killer alter to their newly deformed prey, for the simple act of murdering. Cats who climb curtains and even attack dogs. So this cat has that. It has a kind way that's more of a "fucking human scratch here" only to be met with a slashing paw and hiss. This cat is savage. I leave it be and it wants to be left be ......when it's not in the fucking way. In the bathroom? I don't want to have bloodsport, I just want to shit. Under beds? It runs hisses and scares the shit out of you because you are a monster. So you'd figure it would have some sense of self-preservice?
Nope!
I honestly do not know if this is stupidity or just sheer will of "I do what I want, bitch." This cat walks on the stove. The hot stove while I'm cooking. I'll turn around and it's on the stove trying to eat what I'm cooking off the pan. And it has the fucking nerve to make a stand there as if I was fucking it's shit. Cat, I just want to get paid and the nice people her would like you not on fire and if you pull this shit on me again I'll light you on fire!
Grrrrrrrrrrr......no no really. I would never, but damn if it doesn't want to piss you off. The xenomorph from Alien has more charisma and cuddle factor. I have usually spent years trying to win over the most skittish of cats, but NOPE.....Fuck this one.......just don't light yourself on fire or want to have mortal combat when I just want to pee.
......I should have charged more. I might not come back. I love the pup......as it stares at me with serial killer eyes of affection and wonderment if my skin would make a better sofa or lamp, but with hope and effort, I can give it enough street wisdom to ensure it's survival if it ever went outside without a daunting amount of attention. The cat? The cat is on my fuck you list. I just chased it three times from the stove because it wanted to open up a covered pan with hot oil in which I made my morning eggs. So savage and yet so stupid.
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