Shower Epiphany: Deranged Digital Dictation

Finally in the right mood to write. Sometimes it's not how you approach something is in what way you would think you would approach something. That and I'm getting kinda tired of all these heavy posts even though it might help me in the long run I can't stand any more sleepless night. I'm going to try to come in through the front way I'm going to try to actually commit resurrection I doubt I'll be able to do it , but hey I've done a lot more than most people give me credit for. that and every now and then I have to turn around to look at someone else and half of that I just pull that s*** off? I know I'm capable of some really cool things some breathtakingly awesome moments , but I usually don't see myself anything better than trash. I know it's very zen of me to think very little of myself but I think it's really tracking me down lower in two places where I really don't want to deal with things. I have to find happy middle where I'm not the greatest human being in the world, but at the same time I don't deserve to be spit on all the same. And truth I'm trying to find out what my real value is and if my real value is around a buck 25 then I can accept that. I just don't want to feel that I'm over hyped and at the same time treated like cheap material.

I don't know. I really don't. and yet I would have to agree with Iggy Pop that I'm worth a million in prizes, at least.

I know that some of you were asking why I'm writing such things and why I decided to clear out the closet and whatnot. In truth I'm going to say this as blunt as possible. When it came down to the races going down the street someone beat me to it. He not only beat me to it but he scared me for the fact that he was the one who won. In fact I could say now that he pissed me off because he stole my exit. and yet I honestly think he actually save my life. In truth, I'm no quitter and yet hard moments leave empty and weak sometimes. If anything I didn't want to end up leaving as a quitter. If I do leave this I wanted people to know that I went down swinging and kicking biting and scratching screaming and head butting all the way down. some of you with know, don't make things easy for anybody. It just not the way I do things.

So outside of my promise to take certain things to my grave, everything is going to be talked out. Hell if anything , it's my way of fighting back against the world actually try to crush me. Hmm.... I'm talking too much. I should be writing this down somewhere else instead of talking to you. That whole thing about milk being free and the cow and up becoming steak dinner. And so, I'll leave you all to go write.

Um.... By the way , all of this is being written down via voice thingy. So any odd oddities is due to the fact that yeah I kind of slur my words or mumble at times. Go fig? So anything written here that's kind of odd that I didn't do well... Enjoy!