These are the silent moments that I live for when all are asleep and the world is just a little still. These are the moments I feel the closest to myself as I know that life will soon erupt and chaos once more will flow in a spectacle of function and purpose. These silent moments I sit and hear the faint roar of an engine and wonder how far it is from me. I contemplate the actions of the previous day and I wonder possibilities on what was and what could be. I'm thankful for another day and I look forward to make new mistakes and an ass out of myself once more. I savor these cold mornings, watching the sun slowly manifest as I usually sip warm brew and welcome it, often times calling it a 'punk ass' for being late or on waiting for it for so long.
I know that in these moments I want to live and I want to live the fullest, often lamenting that I can only get so much experience for my meager fee of conception half of a demanded experience or or some shades of life that will not be repeated or even offered to me. As much as it saddens me it fills my heart with resolution on seeing others s unopened tombs of knowledge that will give me experiences lived and lessons learned even though my foolish mind will only take heart what pains I've already suffered myself at times. It forces me to reach out for things that I believe are not for me and give me hope to connect with others on a level that will mayhps offer some soothing calm or at least entertain my mind with new thought if a lull may not be offered. It's an opportunity to recreate myself new if need be and even so I return to my previous sketchings on who I am and what I should be it offers me a time, a moment of respite from what lumps I shall call mountains and what great tales I shall create from stepping outside and venturing for giants and my fill of explorer's wine.
I do not fear windmills, yet people send me running. I fear not the creatures of the abyss, but asking for creme leaves me nervous and sometimes drinking it black. Loosing myself in my madness often provides comic relief from the tragedy of life as many point me out to be the fool in motley and yet even kings request my council and palaver. Only a fool would dare say what we think and not someone reaching out towards you begging to be pulled in and to belong, for only a moment. He fears commuting wrongs that never will be and insults that he had felts so long ago. By the end of the day, sedation may be needed and undeserved kicking of moments lost and errors made, but in the morning. Right now. He picks up dented armour and faces giants once more in hopes of never picking up armour again.
So, I am hopeful and thankful to today. I am happy and believe it or not, excited to be here.
Or I can lie down and sleep some more.
Ha.....yea...right
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