I'm quite amazed at the potential of people lately, especially in the terms of simply being friends. Not friends with benefits, friends who are on the bench or warming up to replace the pitcher or even friends who you both can have a drink or two and end up in bed with.
Just friends.
People who you actually enjoy time with. People who make you feel as if you should have never have left to go on your way elsewhere and should remain close to them. People who make you happy to be who you are and have nothing to gain in changing you or remodeling you as someone they expect you to be. People who in a small moment bring a smile to your face despite being so far away or even in some rare occasions never to have even shared the same room with. People who make time fly past in a blink of an eye only to be replaced with a mutual feeling of joy and cherished memories. People who you can continue a conversation with as if years never past between you. People who you would cross hell and damnation to meet in times of need. People who give you more than you give them and make you wish to share your time with again.
These people are rare in this world as hard to find. I know because there are times when I do find them and I hold them dear to me in fear of losing them. I have never been this way and in truth I'm so antisocial that I do not make attempts in reaching out to others unless I feel there is something that attracts me to them in the first place. I'm a snob. Fine, I'll wear that near my letter, but I don't want to waste what little of my time I have with those who waste their time speaking of the lives of others and the importance for frivolous ideals and acts that made me want to leave high school in the first place. SO to say I'm repealed by stupidity and selfishness it not saying enough. I do what I can to go out of my way to not attract these individuals in the first place, surrounding myself with what most would consider ugly and gross. I do not want them to notice me and I do not care if they find me unapproachable, unattractive or boring.
I'm attracted to intelligence, often time looking for others who know more than I do in some sense. It does not have to be anything academic in any way as long as there is passion for what drives them and that passion is infectious. That drive to improve and make an attempt at becoming better is more than attractive, it's a must to even speak any deep words towards you. It compels me to even make an attempt to speak up and take those risks that I am often times terrified making. I make those risks now where I feel safe, but I'm safe from rejection here. With others I often feel rejection first and feel it's harsh and cold bite upon me before I realize that I do not care. Then I simply laugh it off and find amazement that such a boogy man even frightened me in any way.
I might have thick skin, but it's scared skin from many lacerations.
So to simply say that I am attracted to you is not a guarantee for anything. It simply means that I want to spend time with you. Not sex. Not making out or sending photos of genitalia or drunken texts or calls. It means that something about you compels me to discover who you are and what you mean to me. That is all. Nothing more. Sometimes I realize you are not worth my time. Other times I realize everything that shine is not always of value. And few times I realize that just because you are attractive that you are not worth more than a bit of conversation.
In truth, I've learned three things in all this.
1. Just because we are friends does not mean we are going to be anything more.
2. Other times I realize that you are worth more and I want you in my life on a permanent level and I would trust you with my life and the lives of others who are important to me. In those moments I would make you family. Family is permanent and worth the trouble. Please note, I don't fuck family. Sorry, but I don't cross that line. If you are family then you are almost sacred, not fuckable. End of discussion.
3. Few people I've been good friends with who I've had a romantic relationship with I've come to regret losing as friends. As much as I can say, my romantic life is a train wreck and I'm still trying to figure it out. Yes, I would find you more meaningful and precious, but losing you would horrify me. I've lost too many great women in my life because I crossed that line or worse, that line crossed me.
So yea, that is what I see as friends and being attractive to them. That's basically it. Nothing more and nothing less. I'm coming to understand that sex is best had by people I can consider disposable and not important to me. Saying that, I haven't been sleeping around for a long time. Sadly, I'm ok wit this. Sure not that much Oxycontin is shared, but chocolate is good and I don't have to deal with the insanity.
Or at least until I can contain that part of me that I lose when I "fall in love". So far there are more than enough individuals making damn sure I don't do anything stupid since I have horrible sense of being sexually attracted to elements that can and will hurt me. I would not be shocked that I would be turned on by fire.
Yea....blue haired girls are a no no.
Yep.....a no no. A yummy no no.
......
So.....yea.
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