Shower Epiphany: How much less can I give you? Pt. 2

I've finally figured out what pissed me off this week and why it did. Took me a while, but it finally hit home.

Ever been insulted by someone and you realize that they have NO IDEA what they're talking about? Like being called a cow or fat ass and you weigh 60 lbs soaking wet. You get hurt and then you realize that.....wait, did you just say that? Do you even know me enough to insult me?

In my case, it was that I'm forcing myself on someone hoping that they are, I have no idea ....pressured to return affection back.

Really?

Have you ever met me? I have friends who dragged my ass around for close to a decade and finally started to crack my antisocial shell, all the while I'm feeling out of place, isolated, and have made constant.....CONSTANT attempts to get away. People have waited outside the housr and honked and threatened to cut my wifi to get me outside. But im going to nake someone spend time with me?

Not only that, but force my OUTWARDLY AND GRAND AFFECTION towards someone who not only said that they were not interested, but I'm going to ignore that and IMPOSE myself on them because hey, I'm an attractive and confident guy. Even more so that I can simply force my affection.....that's the one that gets me....towards someone.

Really? I feel awkward alone at home. I mean if you are going to accuse me of something make it realistic. Say I'm hard to get a hold of. Say that I'm moody, sarcastic, and an ass. Tell me that I can even see someone is interested in me outside of telling me and/or jumping me......yea, I know....that actually happens. Tell me I get distracted and pulled away by the world as I try to help EVERYONE I know WITHOUT any reward or demands. Shoot, I have people angry at me for not visiting them yet......and they like me somehow?!?

If even remotely told to go away and I leave.....in pilgrimage mode. I get away from people for the fear that they'll get sick of me. I've spent at least a week without speaking to another human being and usually apologetic if I even make eye contact. Trust me, I don't need to be told to leave anyone alone, much less keep any feelings in check to prevent misunderstandings. I've killed more attractions and crushes before the hour is over. I am not one to ask anyone for anything, much less affection.

What's worse I've avoided then for while now and they expect me not only to behave, but to carry on as if we don't have an issue. Yes, we do.....you are a dumbass. And that is usually the final coffin nail I need to cut people out.

So yea.....trust me. I don't need anything from anyone. Shoot, I'd love to stop hugging my children if they can just understand that I have issues with affection,but hey, they love their loving father who hugs them on request. Go freaking figure.

Geesh......shit like this.