Shower Epiphany: Garbage in, Garbage out

If you honestly told me that certain people I knew were lying in a pool of their own blood, I would not give a rat's ass not for the lack of compassion, empathy or that life in some sort of way is precious when we count ourselves in that equation rather than most other life, but because some people no matter how much potential they may have to be good human beings are simply garbage.

There is a certain point where I will reach out for someone and pull them out of trouble and a point where I cut myself off from them out of an evolutionary need of physical and mental survival. I've not only cut them off because they have caused me the greatest amount of harm, but I've cut them off because they have committed the greatest amount of harm to those I care about. So I may not find myself the justification anymore to go physically out and "beat muthafuckas (and yes, I am censoring myself) in the street" out of some realization that the last line between who I want to be and who others would make me into is very thin, I'm by no means have to go down with the ship if the captain is an idiot in every sense of the word. So yes, I'd take a bullet for anyone out of the principle of humanity, but some of you ignorant fucks out there have only that going for you. I won't let you die, but I'd sure in hell let you suffer from your own stupidity.

And so, I have to deal with certain individuals who not only thrive on the stupidity and chaos, but there are special kind of walking human garbage that seek this kind of .....words fail me......mental fecal matter. I do not watch Honey BooBoo or any other TLC show at all. I do not watch soap operas, Novellas, love triangles, of gossip shows. I don't care how celebrities live or even give a flying fuck what they're doing, who they're fucking, what the fuck are they planning or even wish to give a damn. I not only count the amount of "I", "me", and third person mentioning or self boasting, but I divide it by the amount of reason, logic and intelligence the statement was in. When it comes to any bravado, swaggering and self appraisal I usually consider this to belong to those self inadequate individuals who have some sort of shortcoming, usually in the thought process and not worth listening to.

So to have someone come and tell me gossip on people who I've already placed in the garbage pile of life, I quickly cut to the bone and tell them that I don't care. I don't care why P-Diddy, Pit Bull, this guy or that guy is yelling about the size of their balls and anyone stupid enough to witness and measure to have a conversation about their greatness in small pond measures is worthless to me. Someone who is going to come to me and bitch for the sake of gossip are worse than garbage and I have not difficulty telling them to shut up and take their shit away from me. If I have cut off my life from the majority of human waste that society deems fit in shoving into tiny sphere of influence and existence to search for something tangible, meaningful and free from "paper mache Mephistopheles" I am in no mood to humor anyone in bringing that shit to me. They can take their garbage home with them and a healthy amount of "fuck off" from my behalf.

I've spent the past decade learning that peace of mind must be cultivated and after many years of failure and suffering I have had to restart my endeavors only to face hard moments where I have to question my sanity and importance in continuing my existence only to arrive at the point where I will continue on in some sort of ideal of hope and a promise of tomorrow. I am not at the point where I will make myself the scapegoat, monkey wrench, guru of small minded, unimaginative dependent parasites, or anyone else who is willing to forsake my own health and well being for their pursuit of entertainment. I don't care. I know at this point I don't have much time left and I'm happy with knowing that I've paid my dues with a decade of hard redemption that has arrived and nothing of value to the eyes of others. So I'm not going to wait until I'm 60 to be "crotchety" or "opinionated". My first response to anything not worth my thought process is automatically some form of "Fuck off or Fuck you too" and I end any lengthy conversation to the end where people are insulted by me simply trying to pardon myself politely from any act of stupidity and save myself at minimum 30 minutes of hardship.

No. I'm not dealing with people's bullshit any more nor do I give a flying fuck. You need  to pay a certain amount of due with me and if we have shared words in one for or another and I've been more than sweet and polite it's because this side of me does not exist to you. The moment you cross that line, I'm already a ghost and you can no get to me. If you keep looking for me you are quickly disposed of with more than enough warning to stay away. Thankfully I never have to get to that point, ANYMORE, but that is only because I have a minuscule fuse and can cut to the chase before anyone tries anything. I'm sharing this not to vent or to hypocritically do what I don't not want done, but as a warning. Teach me something new and I will love you. Show the best potential of humanity in everything you do and I'll pull you to my circle. I will be a friend to you with no need for validation nor interaction in return. I'm doing this because good must be done for the sake of it and not for any benefit of it. Doing good for the benefit of good is already selfish by my standards and they are the only standards I live by even if I am more than willing to acknowledge to others they are higher than any have for others. So no. I don't care if certain individuals are on the ground in a pool of their own blood. Not just because their worth have already been tabulated as being worthless and parasitic, but if I was taken to see them in their pool, if would not be to assist, but to satisfy a lust of garbage that only witnesses would satisfy.

And no, if I can not help I am in no need to watch the suffering of others for sport.