I know I'm supposed to write something deep and meaningful but I'm pretty exhausted and I need to sleep. I'm going to opt out on writing at the moment and give you something of worth tomorrow afternoon when I'll have time to show you what I've thinking. To be honest I'm starting to wonder how ugly I really am or if people are just missing staring at a freak show this is all of me.
I'm pretty confident in many things, but my ego, my outlook on my attractiveness especially, is in the gutter and I can not help to think that I would like to find an big rock to hide and simply call it off for the rest of the world. If I had the strength I'd seal myself away from the rest of the world and just stay away from you. I can't help feeling ugly. And even more odd, I can't help feeling attractive at the moment as I gathered the attention of certain people for the past few weeks and wonder if they simply like a good laugh or that their taste for the hideous includes me.
It's funny what one heartbreak can do to you. It's funny what one person making you feel like an unwanted whore can do for your outlook on life. Almost strong enough to give up breeding much less finding someone to "tolerate" you past two years. I'm used to people laughing at me. Not staring at me as if I'm the last bottle of bubble water in the desert.
I'm happy enough to not have things thrown at me. You don't have to make me feel like people. I might get used to it. Just allow me to play the fool and let me play with your children to satisfy my parental need denied.
Seriously, stop making me think I'm people again.
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