11/9 or the morning after...I'm not in the mood to make puckish titles.

I woke up around midnight to the sound of helicopters. 

Considering that I have to now adult and get up at 5 am to hit my commute as many of you know I must got to sleep by 9 to be functional. Yet, I was awaken by helicopters and also a realized need for patience. Returning from the bathroom I woke up my laptop and silenced the youtube rain vid that I use to sleep and calculate my time asleep. Insomnia can creep up on me at any point and I more than know I need to be diligent no matter what. 

Always diligent. 

It almost felt as a roar from the outside as if everyone in Lynwood was reacting as I opened up my browser and was notified immediately that Trump won. On a distant tv, I heard him walk over to a podium and announce to the world how this moment has come, we must all unite, and we must bury all hatchets. He offered words of reconciliation and of moving on as people cheered. 

Meanwhile, media exploded.

*coughs from nervous reflex*

Burners cheered and blamed the DNC. Anyone not cis recoiled into the fear, shock, and awe of the moment as many of their loved ones announced that Trump is a good thing and they are happy they voted for him and they'll see, it will be all right. One friend responded by asking, "You voted against my rights?"

You can almost feel the heartbreak in her words. 

I was too busy. I was already there. Already prepared.

welcome back

I continued and prepared. In fact, I've been preparing since before Trump mentioned his bid to run. 

I continued on as my messenger exploded with so many people wondering. So many of them fearful and anxious, trying to get hold of what was going on. What can they do? Some already declaring that they were done with this nation who shows no love for them and only the back of their hand. Others pleading with me, pleading as if I can do something, anything to make this right. 

I haven't heard from my children yet, but I'm guessing they're already prepared for this. They have my eyes. Cold, dead eyes of something that most people have not experienced and have not seen. A knowing that hell exists and it is tangible and it comes from the hand of man using scapegoats to avoid responsibility. I'll hear from them soon, but we are already working. On it. We move while most remain stunned.

Always on, you're always on.....that was our agreement, no?

My motions were automatic, yet there was a new system involved: a body clock telling me I have a half hour at best and then I must sleep. I have to adult, I have to get legit, I have to at least go through the motions to redeem what many believe is my potential and path. I notice the clock and agree and continue to read, look up, and by the end of it all, I know enough. I know what I can do now, what needs to be done soon, what needs to be completed continually. 

I don't pray. I've seen too much. I don't scream, I've done too much. I don't plead, I experienced enough. I don't hide or cry, I know it won't make things better. I move while returning to where I once belonged. Where I live now. Where I am the best at what I do best.

You see me.

I take note who needs the most support and tell them I love them. they need to hear that. Many are close to falling apart. Their chances to be normal almost being released by their own will rather than having them tugged at. I tell them I love them, as I tell them now, as I tell you. 

I love you and we will get through this. I will be on the Front with you in mind. I refuse to go easy and I will fight for our lives. I will not let them win reluctantly. If need so I will make their win bitter. We will get through and we will fight.

I try to believe my words. I try. 

I see you. 

I say try because I have to put in work. X always said you have to put in work and you have to put it in now. DMX of course, not the cult. You have to put in work. When we hope for the best it's because we hope we don't have to get our hands dirty and work. We hope we don't have to. We almost plead with this concept of humanity that allows us to continue on. This spirit of kindness and greater good in which afterschool specials are made of. 

Don't be a bitch, get to work.

I write this now with time in mind. I have to adult. October has been kind and magnificent to me. I've accomplished much. I pulled myself out of any safe space to challenge myself to reach out to you, to humanity instead of prepping for continual Damage Control. I've lived in this state since the 90's. It's my second nature. It keeps me on my toes, looking over my shoulder, always sleeping light for that hard knock on the door. 

We see together, outside and on the same side, where you belong. 

I'm used to Damage Control. I lived through Pete Wilson. I lived through Reagan. I lived through W and regressed so much because so many of you were not prepared. I have no choice. I have had a target on me since I realized I was never included. I had decades of enduring. I've scars that I'd never explain and memories that only a bottle can numb. I'm going to therapy and I'm trying to live, not survive and that in short only makes me want to work more.

I've come too far to stop now. And if I have to drag you bastards to protests, I will. If I have to lecture you to be vigilant, I will. If I have a few more scars by the end of this my only option is to hope they mean something from them, but reactive, but proactive. I'm not going to remind you of what is in risk, who is endangering it, and what we are fighting for. 

You should now that by now. That and no one will care if you give it up. They'll take it from you regardless. You either fight for what you love or you give it up and live with that. Either way, we will live with our actions, as I've been stating before I will rather live with the ones with me on the Front rather than standing by or hiding. 

Fuck that.

I've already paid my price. 

Yes, yes you have.

I ask you to put in work so that you don't have to pay yours. 

I'll see you on the front. We will not go quietly.

Peace and Love
Continue to be good to each other.