I've come to understand that I am in no fiber of my being patient. It's not a virtue that I have nor is it one I'd would wish upon anyone. Being someone who always have felt that pull behind me of the imaginary leash with so many factors within that simply naming them would take too much of your precious time away from you and yet that very leash have taught me that it is not patience that is a true virtue but a symbolic bone for those who do not know what is at play to be told.
That leash has pulled me back from many instances of my life only to see the opportunities dry up as a muddy puddle of water would to a thirsty and out of reach animal. That disparity is what fires my muscles to strain against it and to take every inch of slack away with my aching need come manifest. I have seen people and privileges taken away for only inches away from reaching it and yet never having enough slack to take advantage of what I wanted most of all. Even now I still feel that leash and I still pull away almost fatally to move forward or break myself reaching.
Patience is no virtue. Planning is. Tactics that allow you to surrender valuable inches to woo the gripping hand from pulling so. Vision is a virtue. That ability to see what is worth straining and what is simply not worth time and moment. Determination is a virtue, knowing that each and every failure offers insight to perfection or is anything new errors to beat the imperfections down as hot ore is beaten on anvil.
And so I am not patient. If you laid eyes upon me you mayhaps catch my muscles tense and relax to show that I only count sweet and delicious minutes as a child would toss in candy within their hungry mouth. I count minutes, plan tactics, and savor my moment to come. I am in no way patient, but when my moment arrives I am more than ready and determined.
I am in no way patient nor would I ever be.
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