....Except Me and My Monkey *unfinished*

*stares at the screen and wonders if it's the right time to share the thought he'd held on to for so long. He sighs deep wanting some sort of strong drink and glances at the bottle near him only to look away. he would not depend on pills the same way. He begins to write and hopes it comes out without too many twists and turns and no nights of a strong subconscious and nightmares of reopened graves buried so long ago.*

It's kind of a tough moment for me actually. I've feel a bit over exposed and what I want the most especially at this time is to just lock myself in for a few days and just mentally recover. I get like this twice a year. This case I'm like this because I've given more of myself that I usually do for a higher goal. It's when I force myself to go against everything I've learned and to put myself in the open and to wear my heart on my sleeve. You can't inspire those to do what is needed to be done with words without an example of faith and hope. It's like dancing poorly in front of an audience without shame and smiling widely at a stranger in hopes of inspiring the same smile. It calls for confidence and the lack of regret. Something that I often have a decent store of both, but in moments like these I often over extend myself and leave myself emotionally open.

And right now I'd rather stand naked in front of all then to feel like this.

You never gave me your pillow
You only gave me your invitation
And in the middle of the celebration
I break down

I know I'll shake this off. I'm not one to feel this way, especially since I abandoned this all so many lives ago for something of greater substance, and yet I can't help feeling that it was all for the greater good. For a moment of my life I abandon the restraints of my mind which force me to remain reserved, calm and collected for the passion that burns in my so deep that it restraints and fear of those who have hurt me before. I give up the safety and solitude of the shadows I've grown so used to for the brightest spot in the sun to entice those near me to bask in it not in a small moment, but as part of their birth right. And yet, I know I can not live in the manner that I promote for too long. Some of us wear our scars on the outside while those of us wear them deeper and from the view of others.

You know what....I can't finish this now. I just can't.