A bit of Forward

I think this is the fifth time I deleted this. No matter what gets written I end up erasing it all as if I'm trying to warm up the nerve to remove so much clothing to awaiting eye of spectators once again. I'm not shy in the least unless I know what I do instead of merging with the moment so please allow me to remind you all of the 4th wall we share in order to bare what I can.

Rules are simple once again, since there are only three.

1. What ever is written here is not to be discussed in person. I compartmentalize myself very well and knowing who sees what will only inhibit me from cutting to the bone. Comment all you must, but we will not speak of this in person unless you wish me to become silent and gather wanderlust.

2. I see you as you honestly are and as who I am. There is not romantic inclination and yet no money being exchanged. I will shed morality, confidence and self doubt in order to chase that illusive that that always remains out of reach. You will remain in the shadows and watch. I do not mind the glow of a cigarette or low whispers from the gallery, yet I remove my mask on the satisfaction that I'm am the exhibitionist and you my devoted voyeuristic audience. I will accept applause when done or even beatnik snaps, but standing ovations will only lead out out and not to return.

3. This is my sanctuary. Here nothing is sacred and taboo. I will entertain all and judge nothing. If I stumble on a thought that will disturb as I am inclined to I will juggle what I can to get to the heart of the moment and cut to the bone in order to understand more of myself. If you are inclined you may also learn in the secondary and ponder what lies under your bed in order to chase out the monster that scared us as children. And yet, I will not allow you to sift your hands within the inner sanctums of my soul in order to use what you learn to gain influence, control or dominance over me. As I told others who have tried, I have hard streak of suicidal tendencies within me and I have no remorse or doubt in cutting off a limb to save myself. I will cut you out, remove your name and remove all humanity from your person. You will be nothing.

My last thought of you always will be that you were nothing.

Understand? Good. Then I feel safe enough to start again. After all, whats the point of balancing on the lines of pain and enlightenment if you don't have a safe word or mechanism. Sorry, not god from a box here and I do my own stunts.

So if you are ready and able, on with our show.